Practice News Story: Fire
Yesterday in Ogden at Pedro’s Mexican Restaurant a fire broke out around 2:00 PM on Washington Blvd. According to Deputy Fire Chief Greg Chamberlin the cause of the fire was related to a grease fire in the kitchen. There were several people reported to have been inside the building when the fire broke out.
The manager, Pedro Sanchez, had been managing the restaurant for two years since he came to the United States. Sanchez was in the kitchen when the fire started. He has suffered some minor burns on his hands caused from trying to put the fire out himself. Four others were in the building when the fire began, Michael Freeman and Pedro’s brother and two nieces. The two girls have been rushed to the hospital for being effected by the smoke that has caused significant damage to the building. In regards to the restaurant, Mr. Sanchez said, “It’s my life and we will come back.”
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2 comments:
I thought this was pretty good. My only suggestion would be to leave out the "several people were in the building..." in the first paragraph, because in your next paragraph you say there were only four people in the building. So readers may think that the accident was bigger than it really was and then be confused when they read the "four people" part. Otherwise, you put in all the important facts and it was easy to follow. Good job!
Your first paragraph was really good with presenting facts. good job on catching the minor burns on his hands, i completely missed that. Don't forget there were five people in the building, so just double check your facts. i really liked how you stated that the two girls were in the hospital.
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